Should I even wash my face?

Dear Skincare Fiend,  I'm so confused.  I mean, I don't want to feel dirty, but won't soap dry my skin?  Am I condemned to a life of dewey filth?  Please help me understand how to be clean without drying out my skin.  Can you tell me:

  1. If i should wash my face?
  2. When I should wash my face?
  3. What can i use for clean skin that won't leave my face as dry as the Bonneville Salt Flats?

Dear Confused,

I'm so glad you asked.  This is a simple, but fundamental question.  Great news!  There's no Sophie's Choice here.  You can (and should) have clean, dewey, glistening skin, whether you're in a rainforest, or the aforementioned Salt Flats.  Here's the trick...